She was counting out her bill in coins, most of them pennies. I felt the impatience start in my head and boil over to a full body twitch. I was second at the counter and an older lady had shakily taken out her coin purse to pay for her item. I only had one thing. I was ready, I had my money ready and a full agenda waiting for me. I may or may not have been tapping my foot audibly. The older lady was having trouble seeing the coins and apologized to the clerk for taking so long.  

The clerk reached over and touched the woman’s hands and said, “That’s alright, there is nothing more important right now.” At that moment, God broke through to me. Simultaneously the older woman developed a 90 watt smile and said “I’m 85 you know. Today is my birthday!” I was struck to the core and clearly heard the message God was sending to me. I had missed it earlier. My agenda and $1.25 purchase were not the main event. It was seeing, caring for and loving this overlooked woman.

Yes, my name is Kim and I have been addicted to planning. I wear out planners, love to do lists, I love seizing the day, control and I wrestle continually with perfection. I like to know what will happen and have a part in making it happen.  

Jesus told the story of a man who had a huge harvest and came up with a terrific plan. 

“Then he said, “This is what I’ll do. I will tear down my barns and build bigger ones, and there I will store my surplus grain.”  However, God showed up and said, “Fool! Tonight you die. And your barnful of goods- who gets it?” 

- Luke 12:16-20

Jesus is not just talking about greed, but also the arrogance of planning – with a focus on self. So what is the remedy? The human condition is plagued with selfishness and self- orientation. David said this, 

“Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord.” 

- Psalm 24: 14  

Waiting for God is neither fatalistic or passive. It is expectancy, based on God’s track record. He has been faithful, He has good plans, He is trustworthy. One of my favorite verses is “Be still and know that I am God.” (Psalm 46:10) And again in Isaiah 30:15, “By waiting and by calm you shall be saved, in quiet and in trust shall be your strength.” In quiet and silence, waiting in expectation, is the antidote to obsessive and self-oriented planning.

I imagine this as a quieting of myself: my body, my mind, my heart, my emotions, my spirit.  Me at rest  and allowingGod to do the heavy lifting.  Yes, this is easier said than done. Which Is why we need God’s help. 

For this week, I focused on quiet/silence/waiting with a literal silence from words.I am working on a data entry, spreadsheet project this week. I have had no less than 75 interruptions. Some are part of my job, others are the result of coworkers passing through. I am often tempted to keep on gutting out my tasks and listen with half an ear. (I am just imagining how welcome the back of my head and periodic inarticulate words are. Yikes!) This week, I stopped, swiveled for eye contact and listened. The stories poured out: bullying, financial trouble, concern over decisions, family strife, aging parents, dreams for children, frustration, celebrations. I allowed Jesus to dictate the time, agenda and the outcome.  

This is a delicate process, the waiting, the unfurling, the watching in wonder.  But the results are soul feeding, faith growing and have eternal significance.  

For Reflection:

How do you approach planning and deadlines?  

How do you involve God in your planning?

What is it like to wait for you? What is your reaction to interruptions?  

What would it be like for you to embrace quiet waiting? What would that look like in your day to day life?

Where in your life have you experienced a sense of wonder? 

1 I am the Real Vine and my Father is the Farmer. He cuts off every branch of me that doesn’t bear grapes. And every branch that is grape bearing he prunes back so it will bear even more.

You are already pruned back by the message I have spoken. 

Live in me. Make your home in me just as I do in you. In the same way that a branch can’t bear grapes by itself but only by being joined to the vine, you can’t bear fruit unless you are joined with me.

I am the Vine, you are the branches. When you’re joined with me and I with you, the relation intimate and organic, the harvest is sure to be abundant. Separated, you can’t produce a thing.’

- John 15:1-5 The Message.

Spotted: daffodils, crocus, magnolia trees, buds, snowdrops and others I can’t even identify. As part of our fasts, I have been walking in our neighborhood, just 5- 6 blocks. Spring is arriving in glorious profusion. It is an amazing time to reflect on what Jesus is speaking about in His parable.  

Jesus’ invitation is to a relationship “intimate and organic.” It is a connection that is purposeful, dependent and life-giving. In reflecting about this scripture, an image came of me, trying to be independent, separated, declaring ”I am a branch.” Full of self confidence in what I can do, charging ahead with all of my plans, but in reality, dead. Separated and unable to produce anything. As a connected branch, the life, the fruit, the plans are all flowing from Jesus and the Father. That is where the strength and the power come from. 

Jesus’ plan is not for his church of branches to be careening about like some sort of b-grade movie zombies lurching ahead in different, independent schemes, but for us to be unified as a church/vine that is drawing life from Him, connected, unified in purpose and fruitful.

Jesus’ part is making His home in us. We are the containers of His choice that move about in circles particular to us, taking part in His great rescue mission in our families, neighborhoods and work environments. If He is making His home in us, He desires to be leaking out, shining through, changing lives.

Our part is remaining “joined” with Him. Joined is not passive, it is tenacious. Staying connected, reminding ourselves of the truth of our relationship with Him. Letting Him pour through us, allowing His power into all the areas of our lives. So, in a human sense, it is releasing  - control, timing, agenda, independence. It is also allowing the Father/Gardener to prune out what He knows is not life-giving, beautiful or fruitful.  

This has been a week of pruning in our garden. We took out flowers and stems that were dead from last fall, but amazingly, new growth was already waiting for that pruning to reveal itself. We pruned where some shrubs had gotten a bit too excited about new directions and were straying out of their area to choke out other more delicate plants. We pruned, so that energy would be focused, later to create more abundance rather than fizzling out in droopy and uninspiring shoots.

Fasting this week from planning has led me to reflect on words as an area the Father wants to prune in me. Holding them in silence, to let his plan and invitation unfold. It has been a bit surreal to see where things have gone without my confining agenda and control. It has been a little like watching a leaf unfurl or a bud open.

For Reflection:

Read the passage slowly, waiting to see what it is that stands out to you.

How can you strengthen your connection to Jesus this week?

Where is it that Jesus would like to or is pruning back in your life or spirit? What fruit is it that He is calling out of you?